How to open a McDojo

Creating your McDojo

1. Find a suburb with extremely low Asian population and rent or buy a wooden-floored building here.

2. Buy "Gung Hei Faat Choi" and various other Chinese New Years celebration banners and hang them in your building. If asked about this by students, claim that they are various ancient Chinese proverbs of great wisdom.
e.g. "Yes, about that one. It is an extract out of Sun Tzu's Art of War that says "To win 1000/1000 battles is not true prowess. True prowess is to have avoided the battles completely.""

3. Decorate the walls with any certificates that sound related to martial arts, regardless of actual relevance.

4. The front wall should be decorated immensely with as many oriental weapons as possible, regardless of country of origin.
Note: It is recommended that you can perform with them, at least with plausible proficiency. To actually be able to defend yourself with these is not required.

5. In the middle of the front wall, between these weapons should be a shrine with a picture of an old man of Asian descent. Sandalwood incense should be burnt at every lesson. The incense should be anchored in a cup of uncooked rice. Students should bow to this fake-shrine before very lesson, as repect for your fictional master's elder brother.

6. Second-hand training equipment if available should be placed around the room for use each lesson. The wears and tears of this equipment lends to the reliability of your school.

7. Finally, when you have set all this up, hire anyone proficient in Chinese calligraphy to write on a long stretch of white cotton fabric, the name of your system.

The name should be either extremely long and flowery,
e.g. 3rd Sutra White River 13 Bewitching Lotus Fist
e.g. Divine Tiger Lily Bone Claw Conquerer Sect Fist

or short with random plants, landscapes or animals,
e.g. Copper Willow Fist
e.g. Desert Tiger Fist
e.g. White Yin Bone Fist

The Chinese characters for these can be found using a combination of Wiktionary.org and animelab.com/anime.manga/dictionary/

This stretch of fabric is to be your new banner, and should be hung above the shrine created in step 5.

___________________


How to run a McDojo

1. When advertising, be sure to include mentions of a long history of the martial art proving itself time and time again. A long lineage of Asian masters also adds to the reliability of the art you have just made up. A good idea is to have missing parts of the lineage, due to "[your] records being burnt during the Great Cultural Revolution, by members of the Red Army".

2. When deciding on belt levels, have enough to have an acceptable profit. However, be careful not to have too many "coloured belt" levels, as the long period until a black belt may discourage potential customers. About 20-30 belts before dan rankings is recommended, with a period of 2-4 months between each grading.
An accelerated course should be provided for those who wish to reach a dan ranking quicker, with "special equipment", more training time and "lessons on secret family techniques" in exchange for quaduple the cost per month.

3. 1 form is recommended for the first 10-15 belts. Afterwards, 2 forms per belt should be taught. If the martial arts that you know do not have enoughforms to last 20-30 belts, karate kata as well as Chinese Martial Art forms can be learnt via Youtube. It is not required that you understand these forms, nor perform them correctly. However, stress must be put on power, performance and drama.
[e.g. breathing deeply, random intense shouts and explosive/graceful motions can all help to achieve this]

4. Once you have a regular class established, once or twice a year, bring in a "special guest". To find this special guest, only a stroll through Cabramatta is required. Hire any hobo of Asian descent, clean any dirt off his face and bring him to your Dojo. He need not be sober.
Congratulations, you have just found your master, who can no longer practice martial arts due to a debilitating stroke that he suffered in 2006!

In the event that he is still drinking alcohol, blame this on the fact that he is still shaken over the loss of his elder brother in 2009 The brother was also a very proficient user of your system, and in his prime was known as the Demon Prodigy of Guangxi Province, famous for defeating many old masters. He is portrayed by the old man of Asian descent enshrined at your front wall.

"Omg. You scared me"

ひぐらしデイブレイク

Yay. Fun game.

"Tell her the spotty one might be a little tight cause I hardly wore it"

Tuesday was fun.

Shit. I wonder if it happens to other people too, like, when you have a dream where someone has pissed you off, and you wake up slightly disliking them.
Had the weirdest dream about Pham Pham stealing my pokemon, and selling them for money so he could buy a shiny golden pokeball.
















Something a bit like this...

The pokemon were two lvl 100 legendaries too, and the pokeball had no added function or special propeties (unlike a masterball), and was seriously just a pokeball with a paintjob. It didn't even look cool. It was just a normal yellow pokeball. I was like, WTF?
I was so outraged at this that I started attacking him and shit, like kicking him and punching him, but then Natalie and Alex Lok showed up and told me to cool down a bit, and I was like, "BUT I DON'T HAVE MY POKEMON ANYMORE" but yeah. I cooled off anyway. In any case, Paul Pham told me where I could find my pokemon, and directed me to some castle/warehouse thing.
I thought it meant he'd be helping me in the end, but he just replied "Nah. You're the one who wants the pokemon. Do it yourself." and went off with Natalie and Alex Lok to eat ramen.

.___.

Anyway, yeah, because of that, I woke up feeling pissed at Paul Pham.

mangomangomangomangomangomangomangomangomangomanog

alice ~ says:
*yeah
*butbut
*mangoes are accessibel[sic] RIGHT NOW so stop complainig XD
*mangomangomangomangomangomangomangomangomangomanog[sic]
*OMG

*I HAVENT EATEN ANY MANGOES YET TNOITE[sic]
*brb

More relief of stress with You-tobe's media

Trolling and flaming are good for stress relief.

TROLL HERE.

FLAME HERE.

Man. Amy, Andrewdu, Jaycee and Nikki all outshine me. Full using fancy vocab. I just read Andrew's on signatories or whatever, and I was just like "FARRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! What a pro cunt!"

But anyway, GOD!~ The trash on the internet really have to leanr their place and STOP voicing their opinions. It just wastes bandwidth, and it makes people have to scroll down more to read things that make sense. If they don't make a difference in the holes they live in, what makes them think the internet is an appropriate place to speak up?

And that "I just sprouted hair on my balls voice" is TOMMY's! Not mine!

Stress relief with You-tobe's media

Just felt the outcome of my comment was a bit weird.

Don't laugh at the username. Made it in year 7.

十七分割

"Ahou, ahou! Ahou, ahou, ahoooou~!"

HAHAHAHAHA!

I love Kämpfer. How can it be a seinen? It seems too ridiculous.

Somehow it's about a guy that transforms into a girl to fight other girls who transform. Gotta say, it's definitely got the weirdest Mahou Shoujo transformation sequence I've ever seen. >,>

In any case, if anyone reads this post, and has spare bandwidth to try it out with, Hatsuyuki-Subs are currently fansubbing it.

Eps 1-3 can be found here.

Whereas ep. 4 can be found here.

GG Fansubs are actually up to ep. 5, but they have it in much lower resolution.

Eh. Anyway.

"HOW COULD THEY END IT THERE?! AND AND HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO KANDA?!"

I always thought the Japanese were too up at themselves and tried to act rich etc. but it seems that they're true asians after all.

Turns out that in Japan, some prisoners are made to do "hard labor", assembling mobile phones and shit like that for companies.

Another example of typical Asian cheapness is that apparently, umbrella stealing is a dangerous epidemic in Japan at the moment.

"I had three 'borrowed' from me in eight Days in Tokyo!

At least they're cheap..." -Wepoo2

I heard on some forums by some guy who was an exchange student, as a new student, he was warned to guard his umbrella. Apparently it's people like these, who are new and vulnerable that are most susceptible to the umbrella hungry population of Japanese students.

How very Asian of them.

"A... As expected of the man I want...! He's only a student and already has everything from concubines to toys."

The traitors.

When the third Nachspeise war arrives in three years, shoot them, as well as any other Sunny side Up-ers on sight.

That is all.

"You says you is gunna eat mai rice?!"

Ah. Today I was looking for a ruler because the two halves of my old " "Hyourinmaru" with a "mad dragon" drawn on by Tommy ruler" went missing a whlie back. Such a shame. I had that ruler since year 5. Ahh well, in any case, I went raiding that Careers Expo bag that I haven't touched since I finished all the candy in it for a replacement ruler, and found that there was actually another lollipop in it!

Best day.

Anyway, since all the shounen manga that I haven't read are all mega-long, and I ran outta new updates to read, I started reading/watching Kimi ni Todoke a while back. It's funny. Main character is so mega slow, and honest, and basically believes in everything.

Full makes me laugh.






























































LOL! In what dimension is that a cheerful greeting? XD If anyone reads my blagz, you should try it.

You can get it here, at Eclipse Productions fansubs. They're covering it atm, as it comes out. Next episode airs on Tuesday.

-anh D:

"Discreet pleasure. Noone will know!"

Man, take a look at this video, and keep in mind that they're both deadly serious about this, and have a few thousand followers each. Once again the intelliegence of the Americans is demonstrated.



I'm not even kidding. That's fucking ridiculous. The person who founded this system was such a fucktard, he wrote a comic book series about himself being the most deadly man on the planet. On top of that, he used badly romanised Japanese and Cantonese terms totally wrong, and claimed he was a master of a death touch that could kill any master instantly. On top of that, he was on bad terms with his sensei and looked down on him. If he didn't learn these Supreme Guarantee 1-hit KO SSJ Kaioken Bankai Senjutsu Gia Saado BeyondHyper +5 Vorpal Hadouken techniques? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The guy was such a clown, he actually legally changed his name to "Count Dante", claiming that he was Spanish Nobility who had to change their name and flee Spain because of the Spanish civil war. Mad. Despite the fact that "Dante" is an Italian surname.

The second guy, Ashida Kim, is a self proclaimed Koga-ryu Ninjutsu Grandmaster, among other things. Even the name itself is as fake as the acting in Neighbours. In an attempt to sound authentic, this white cunt made a fail Asian Pseudonym that makes abosolutely no sense whatsoever. Ashida is a Japanese surname, and Kim is a Korean surname. Like wtf? If you're gunna BS, you might as well not BS in languages you don't understand shit about. He uses all these fakeass Japanese and Cantonese terms that he doesn't understand, in terrible romanisation. Except despite all this, there were people who actually ate up his bullshit in the 80s, and he managed to publish 6 of his books and 2 whole DVDs whie I haven't sold a single one of my gongfu manuals. WTF is wrong with this world?

Man, these two women look more deadly than the two of them combined.


Man. What's with people these days? I just saw a guy who claimed some aliens taught him the kamehameha too. On top of that, he's got a full class.

Seriously. WTF.

"I hate you. I'm not talking to you anymore!"

I was meant to blog about something wild and exciting, but I'm not allowed to.

















It's quite the shame.

"I want to do it myself, while you watch me." -Sc#%$&z

Nebulae are pretty.

Damn. Year 12 now.

No time for my world takeover.

-sigh-

I suppose I'll have to postpone it until after the HSC.

It's gunna be awesome! New world classes! The hierarchy looks something like this:

__

Me

Mountain Donut Lieutenants

Mountain Donuts

New World Government

White Collar Workers

Farmers

Blue Collar works

Peasants {Abo's, Sudanese, Bogans}
__

How's that look? O_O

Man. I'm making sure to get rid of cockroaches. They're disgusting. Yesterday there was this massive one on the wall behind my computer tebble. It so surprisingly scuttled out that I jumped outta my seat.

Somehow, when these things are in my home, they suddenly become scary. I guess its just creepy that it could be in my home without me knowing, and like, could crawl into my mouth while I sleep or something. Urgh. Yuck.

I wonder if people read these. I suppose the next bit I should tell people about myself but... eh. I'm keeping a notebook from now on of quotes I find amusing throughout the day, so watch your tongue around me okayyy? Or rather, don't, so I can use it as the title for another blog post.