The Eleventh: My 9,000,000,000,016th Birthday!~

Ahhh, as many of you may already know, today is my honourary birthday.

28th of March, remember it!

Since it's my sour 9,000,000,000,016th birthday [true men don't HAVE sweet 16's], I thought I'd share the story of how I got from such a long time ago to this present day.

It all started a little over 9000 billion years ago. Pretty much, that's when I first became conscious of myself as a being. Many of you may not be aware, that the universe that you people inhabit, is actually part of another larger universe, with very different physics and physical properties. After noticing that I'd woken up, these hyperfag fishpeople from the greater universe came up to me and tried to recruit me into some sort of homoass swimming club. Naturally, being the very straight person that I was, I rejected them. Soon after, they stopped bugging me, and went back to their own devices.

Anyway, it was pretty lonely. All there was, was them, empty space, and this HUUUUUUUGE mass of really dense crap and me, so I was like

"BLEH! To hell with this! Ima go to sleep."

Anyway, it all got more interesting about 14 billion years ago.

I was sleeping peacefully, having a nice dream about the big dense crap being a giant cake, when all of the sudden, this HUGE ASS explosion freaking scared the bejesus outta me.

To this day, I still remember waking up and screaming,

"EL SHITE!"

Anyway, naturally, just like all other explosion., this whole mass of messy crap came shooting out all over the universe. o___O"

So I was like, "Meh. Might as well stay up."

and THAT's the story of the universe! =DDDDDDDDDDD:

Anyway, it seems yet again I'm one year closer to what would be death, if I wasn't as hectic as I am.

Naturally, Death cannot hold one as great as I.

I am getting wrinkler though. -____-"

I'm not sure if you guys notice it too.

Anyway, screw it. I look pretty youthful for someone my age. I really love that outfit. Makes me look pro. Like those old guys, that sit with Baoding balls [保定球] in one hand and a tea cup in the other, playing Xiangqi [象棋] with some other old Chinese guy, surrounded by spectators of mainly other old Chinese men, outside of my Chinese medicine shop.

Don't worry! I'll get there some day!

So anyway, today I went out and bought Andrew Duuu a present. ^^"

It's The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion

Bit odd going out on your birthday to buy someone else a present, but to be fair, it's 4 months late. xD

I'd better get a present back. >=|

I actually wanna just pull it out and play it. I was gunna, you know, in case the game had some sort of ghost inhabiting it [it was for his own safety], but then stupid Maria. Came out with all this crap about me not supposed to do that, and how it's not following the conventions of society.

PFFT. Stupid society. In MYYYYY days, we used to respect our elders.

Anyway kids. I'm getting tired. Go brew me a pot of Oolong Cha already.

-anh
Old guy.

The Third: Hecticity-Time Graph

My throat is sored. How terrible, woke up 4 times last night/this morning just to drink 3-4 cups of water. Far, even swallowing hurt like crap. >,>

Very little has happened these last few days. Nothing much happens when I get sick.

I take this as proof that the world revolves around me.

My experiment backs up my hypothesis.

Hypothesis: The world revolves around Anh.

Aim: To determine to what extent, the world, the galaxy and the cosmos, revolves around Anh.

Equipment:

•a world, galaxy and cosmos (the first two may be contained in the latter)
• an Anh
• a pathogen of some sort

Method:

1. Infect Anh with pathogen

2. Leave for 12 hours for pathogen to incubate

3. Observe for decreases in the hecticity of the cosmos

4. Wait for Anh to recover from the pathogen, and observe for an increase in hecticity of the cosmos.

Results:


























Analysis: On the hecticity-time graph, the hecticity started to drop at an average gradient of -1/2. at the 12 hour mark. The pathogen takes about 12 hours to incubate, so the drop in hecticity corresponds with Anh getting sick. At about 26 hours, as Anh's epic immune system started to kick in, it was observed that the hecticity levels in our cosmos began to increase.
By 48 hours, the hecticity levels of our cosmos had returned to normal levels.

Conclusing: After much analysis from mutiple angles, it was determined that the health of Anh was directly proportional with the hecticity of the world, the galaxy and the cosmos. Hence, it can be deduced that the world revolves around Anh.

Anyway, enough of that.

Today, I went to school. That's it.

-anh