The Eleventh: My 9,000,000,000,016th Birthday!~

Ahhh, as many of you may already know, today is my honourary birthday.

28th of March, remember it!

Since it's my sour 9,000,000,000,016th birthday [true men don't HAVE sweet 16's], I thought I'd share the story of how I got from such a long time ago to this present day.

It all started a little over 9000 billion years ago. Pretty much, that's when I first became conscious of myself as a being. Many of you may not be aware, that the universe that you people inhabit, is actually part of another larger universe, with very different physics and physical properties. After noticing that I'd woken up, these hyperfag fishpeople from the greater universe came up to me and tried to recruit me into some sort of homoass swimming club. Naturally, being the very straight person that I was, I rejected them. Soon after, they stopped bugging me, and went back to their own devices.

Anyway, it was pretty lonely. All there was, was them, empty space, and this HUUUUUUUGE mass of really dense crap and me, so I was like

"BLEH! To hell with this! Ima go to sleep."

Anyway, it all got more interesting about 14 billion years ago.

I was sleeping peacefully, having a nice dream about the big dense crap being a giant cake, when all of the sudden, this HUGE ASS explosion freaking scared the bejesus outta me.

To this day, I still remember waking up and screaming,

"EL SHITE!"

Anyway, naturally, just like all other explosion., this whole mass of messy crap came shooting out all over the universe. o___O"

So I was like, "Meh. Might as well stay up."

and THAT's the story of the universe! =DDDDDDDDDDD:

Anyway, it seems yet again I'm one year closer to what would be death, if I wasn't as hectic as I am.

Naturally, Death cannot hold one as great as I.

I am getting wrinkler though. -____-"

I'm not sure if you guys notice it too.

Anyway, screw it. I look pretty youthful for someone my age. I really love that outfit. Makes me look pro. Like those old guys, that sit with Baoding balls [保定球] in one hand and a tea cup in the other, playing Xiangqi [象棋] with some other old Chinese guy, surrounded by spectators of mainly other old Chinese men, outside of my Chinese medicine shop.

Don't worry! I'll get there some day!

So anyway, today I went out and bought Andrew Duuu a present. ^^"

It's The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion

Bit odd going out on your birthday to buy someone else a present, but to be fair, it's 4 months late. xD

I'd better get a present back. >=|

I actually wanna just pull it out and play it. I was gunna, you know, in case the game had some sort of ghost inhabiting it [it was for his own safety], but then stupid Maria. Came out with all this crap about me not supposed to do that, and how it's not following the conventions of society.

PFFT. Stupid society. In MYYYYY days, we used to respect our elders.

Anyway kids. I'm getting tired. Go brew me a pot of Oolong Cha already.

-anh
Old guy.

The Tenth: Maryanne

So today, to further our martial prowess, Maria and I attempted to fuse into a superior being via the fusion dance;

It turns out that the touching fingers bit of it is harder than expected.

I admit, it was my fault.

It was actually pretty lucky it was just a practice. If I had screwed up during the real thing, we might have ended up like this guy.















o___O"

Anyway, you guys try fusion dance too, and tell me how it turns out for you. :]

Steps are below

[Mts = Metric Tea Span
a.k.a. the person who made this diagram is a dumbshit
and thinks the abbreviation of metres is Mts]



























































































Anyway, I wonder what would've turned out had we actually fused. According to Maria, she'd be the domimant one, and according to the Fusion Dance naming scheme, her name would come first.

Hmm.

Consider

Maria + Anh ----> Maryanne

Works out yeah? Sounds a bit too masculine, but oh well. Good enough. It's lucky that Maria isn't a girl, otherwise it'd make naming more difficult.

Anyway, Wednesdays are boring now. Nothing really happens anymore.

OH! But today, in Mac Bowling, I got 44. (Y)

Finally over 35! xD

It's actually weird that somehow, over the course of two years, instead of improving, I actualy got SHITTER.

Very odd. I used to get 40s-mid 60s, and now I would be lucky to get 30.

Chemistry and Physics tutor wasn't that bad. We told Tien about Andrew Do and his year 9 camp adventures. Year 9 camp was actually fun, but it was riddled with disturbing occurences. Funny, but disturbing.

I don't think we should let Andrew Do, Tommy Nguyen and Paul Pham be in the same cabin together. I think that's what I learnt most thoroughly during year 9 camp. See, sometimes in the morning, Andrew Do would just wake up, and wake everyone else but Tommy up, so we could watch him climb into Tommy's bed, get under the blankets and give him a nice good hug good morning.

Not the nicest thing to observe.

I recall Tommy sleepily trying to kick Do outta his bed. xD

More disturbingly, I don't think anyone in my cabin could forget Paul Pham, and his

"Don't come in sir! We're naked!" or his apparent naked sleeping habits.

-o-

We didn't need to know Paul.

We didn't need to know.

Even worse was when we went whale hunting, and it was stacks on Ben So, Perfectly normal

Then PAUL came along, into our cabin, got on top of all of us and started initiating very odd pelvic motions.

=o=

Funny but... a little too scary?

BLEH!

Another thing that I learnt is, if you value Jamie's cookies, don't leave them alone with Wilson. Lol, the cookout was compulsory, but he just decided he wasn't going, and stayed at the cabins playing Forgotten Warrior on his phone and eating Jamie's oreos despite being told to only take "a few".

But that's another story.

I wouldn't want to ruin this boring ass blog of a boring ass day with something that might make your brains cells work a little.

-anh
FUCK THIS IS SHIT

The Ninth: World Domination

So I was sitting around today, trying to do find a decent download link for ROCH, when I came across this forum talking about worst endings ever.

NGE.

Anyway, somehow I ended up wondering about how our world wwould b if Australia had EVAs. Pretty mad, I reckon. I meant, we could just have some huge ass secret base under the middle of the Australian desert [because God knows we have a fuckin' load of it], and noone would have any clue where it was.

Imagine that; some bombass country declares war on us

-big hole in middle of desert opens up
-big plane in middle of desert flies to foolish country
-big plane drops big eva on foolish country
-eva wreaks destruction

Good plan, yeah? I mean, it's not as if we wouldn't have a testing ground for it. Just relocate some Abos, and there you go. Testing ground. You know, we coulda conquered the world if we had EVA during WWII. Woulda been MAD!

Hell, you know what else would be mad? If during the time of WWII, I had my own madass Asian country in the middle of.. whatever sea that is, with EVAs and my superior technology. LOL! Freaking pwn Japan, and those communists.






















Actually, speaking of weird dreams, apparently Paul went through all of yesterday thinking Lisa was pregnant, just because he didn't see her on msn on Saturday. o__O"

Good logic.

Missing from MSN one night = in labour

Reminds me of a weirdass dream I had myself, a few weeks back.

So I was sitting in the library yeah? Springy comes in and tells me "Jam is pregnant.", and I was like "EL SHITE! WTF IS THAT??!!"

& Truong randomly walked in, and started laughing at Jamie, because apparently, in my dream, it wasn't impossible, just a rare condition (which of course he would know about, being a doctor). Anyway, Springy told me that when it was out of Jamie's chest cavity, she would pretend to be it's mother.

I think it's safe to say, my dream is a hundred times creepier than Paul's.
[That's what I get for watching Alien VS Predator, and Junior in the same night]

Anyway, David ended up being the godfather, and it turns out, our school was in fact being invaded by the Taliban, and I pressed some button on my Donut Controller [some sort of wrist thingo], and it caused Maria, Springy, Jana, Blosia, Wilson, Warren, Andrew, Ben Soo and I, to mysteriously appear in Mountain Donut special armour. o___O"

[Warren was the pink one]















Note: If anyone is wondering why I named 9 people and only 7 are present, it's because someone had to TAKE the photo [me], and Ben Soo was too fat to fit into the photo.

LOL, I was like "EL SHITE! IT WORKS!". We then went on to defeat the taliban in iceworld, but at a loss; Warren died from being AWPed in the face.

Oh well. You can't expect to get through a terrorist attack without a few casualties.

[Weird that Warren gets into crappy situations even in my dream.]

o___O"

-anh
Guy with weird dreams

The Eighth: Technology Hates My Family

What the fuck. Only just got these comps a fucking week ago, and one of them is already fucked up. & for no apparent fucking reason.

All I did was install East Asian languages on my sister's comp, and restart it, and what happens? THE FUCKING VIDEO DRIVER DIES ON ME, AS WELL AS EXPERTool!

CAN I NOT INSTALL ANYTHING WITHOUT SOMETHING FUCKING THE HELL UP?

FUCK YOU GAINWOOD!

FUCK YO-

Oh hey!

I got it to worked! =DDDDDDD

FUCK THAT'S PRO!

-Sanhhhhh
Guy that technology hates

The Sixth: EL SHITE I MISSED THE SIXTH!

Whoa. That was odd. I went straight from 5 to 7.

I suppose I'll use this blog to comment about random things that happened.

So anyway, today I found out Mabel wanted to be a psychologist. Since I'm sick at the moment, I was naturally inclined to act like an asshole because she had just laughed at me, and the other physics people who failed the Cosmic Engine BS.

Grrr.

All this "HAAAAAAAAH! See? That's why I didn't do physics, it's ______ even though my parents told me to do it."

Far. Mabel being a psychologist? She doesnt' understand ANYTHING! How the hell could she ever become a psychologist? She udnerstands notihng about people, no common sense, and is even more ignorant about other people's feelings than me.

Anyway, immediately after saying that, I said "Ohh well. You'd eventually learn the skills needed. Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if you did become one. You ahve the determination."

Mabel, being Mabel, took about two seconds to comprehend all that I'd said, and started going on about how I was bad at reading people and how she WOULD become a psychologist and saying shit like

"You wanna bet?",

despite the fact that the last thing I said was "I'm not easily surprised."

Pretty fuckin good. you don't listen at ALL, but you wanna be a psychologist.

Eh.

I feel like a dickhead. -____-"

Slack to Mabel, but still, why laugh at me doing bad in physics for?

-anh
dickhead to the max

The Seventh: Marshmallow Meteor - Candy Heaven or Candy Death?

So today we had the physics test, on cosmic engine, which quite quite bomb, since half the things I studied for weren't in the test. In other words, I had to scrabble around through the notes and try to write something meaningful down as answers.

Hooray for Epic Fail - 20% gone.

Anyway, sinced I missed out on bio to fail a test, I was pretty annoyed.

Recess was a bit better; Maria Cart DS ftw. Lmfao. The whole time, the Fat One kept going on about how he was a drift king etc. and how he was the best.

Then lunch comes, and he would've been 10 seconds better off if he had grip-driven.
Some drift-king.

Anyway, during physics, we were discussing how a 10 km meteor would be enough to eradicate all life on Earth.

It started because Paul asked him,

"Sir what would happen if a big meteor hit us?"

"How big?"

"BIG. Like the size of the sun"
"A meteor with a diameter of 10km would kill us all."
"Oh... I guess a meteor the size of the sun is overdoing it then."

Sir then went on to explain that 10 km is from the school to Liverpool and we would die no matter what; it would cause a tsunami half a kilometer high, and if that didn't kill us, the lack of sun from the dust clouds would kill us in the following weeks.

It turns out that the best way to die, if the meteor actually comes, is to be right under it. It's better than suffering.

Anyway, somehow that ended up with me daydreaming about what would happen if a marshmallow of the same size hit the Earth. o___O

So yeah, I stuck up my hand and asked Mr. Pitt what would happen if hypothetically, a marshmallow of the same size somehow didn't burn up on impact and it hit the Earth.
He explained that it depended on the mass, and if it was similar to the meteor, it might as well be a meteor. He seemed a bit surprised at the question. o__O" I wonder why.

Can't have been the first time someone's asked that... could it?

Anyway, he then said that he had to go deal with more important questions. -___-" Sif that's not an important question.

So yeah, near the end of class, Paul and Aaron asked about what would happen if there was a meteor coming towards the Earth, and sir went on to explain that blowing it up would be a bad idea, because then we'd just get lots of smaller pieces hitting the Earth anyway. Apparently a better idea to send a rocket to deflect it or something, but our current rocket technology is inadequate.

Anyway, after that, I stuck up my hand, and I asked him about the marshmallow problem again.

His expression was priceless. xD

We ended up discussing giant marshmallows that could hit the Earth.

Paul asked if it might just bounce off the Earth, but according to Mr. Pitt, even if it was only 10 kg, at the speeds it travels, it would still blow up a big chunk or our city. LOL!

El SHITE! That would be total pwnage.

Marshmellow Meteor + Earth + Speed = BOOM




[Note to God: Please ignore my previous wish about the marshmallows falling from the sky]

-anh
Guy that doesn't want to be killed by a marshmallow




GAH! They look so damned tasty though!


I seriously don't see how one of these things could kill me.

The Fifth: On the Issue of the Proper Method of Pie Consumption

So the other day, I was discussing the issue of pie with Justine, and we'd stumbled across a strange topic;
Should you put the sauce on the pie, and eat it as a whole, or should you physically separate the crust from the pie base and innards, and apply sauce to both the crust and the core of the pie?!?!?!

After much discussion, Justine and I got into an argument because I supported the latter whilst Justine supported the former.

We'd decided we'd never agree, so to figure out which one of us was correct, naturally, the logical course of action was to do battle with each other on a lei tai to determine whose gongfu was superior, and hence, the answer to our question.

So we did.


The battle is depicted below.
[The guy with hair is obviously me, since I have hair. I apologise for low res pictures; this may distort the appearance of Justine and I.]

































So yeah. After much analysis from multiple angles, it was deduced that my gongfu was superior, and hence, proper consumption of pie involves separating the pie in question into pie base and crust, and having sauce applied to both.

[Note: this may, or may not, have actually happened.]

-anh
Proper eater of pie

The Fourth: MechQuest is the Essence of Good Living

Anyway,

yesterday, instead of studying for the maths test like I should've, I was playing MechQuest with Paul Pham. xDDDDDDDDDDD

For a bombass flash game, it's pretty good.

I'm hectic yes?



Paul's Mecha Pilot: Lieutenant Cassio

My Mecha Pilot: Captain Spicy Wings



Anyway, I think I'm a little kid inside. o___O"

The whole time I was playing, I was like "El shite!This mecha is fuckin cool!" after every cool robot thingo I saw. Mecha should not seem cool to 16 year old guys. =___="
Still, it looks so cool to me!!! >O

FUUUCCCKKK that's pro!
FUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK that's pro!
FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK that's pro!

So yeah, spent 4-9:30 playing MechQuest. What an exciting life I lead.

JOIN NOW!!!

-anh
Hero of the MechQuest Universe

The Third: Hecticity-Time Graph

My throat is sored. How terrible, woke up 4 times last night/this morning just to drink 3-4 cups of water. Far, even swallowing hurt like crap. >,>

Very little has happened these last few days. Nothing much happens when I get sick.

I take this as proof that the world revolves around me.

My experiment backs up my hypothesis.

Hypothesis: The world revolves around Anh.

Aim: To determine to what extent, the world, the galaxy and the cosmos, revolves around Anh.

Equipment:

•a world, galaxy and cosmos (the first two may be contained in the latter)
• an Anh
• a pathogen of some sort

Method:

1. Infect Anh with pathogen

2. Leave for 12 hours for pathogen to incubate

3. Observe for decreases in the hecticity of the cosmos

4. Wait for Anh to recover from the pathogen, and observe for an increase in hecticity of the cosmos.

Results:


























Analysis: On the hecticity-time graph, the hecticity started to drop at an average gradient of -1/2. at the 12 hour mark. The pathogen takes about 12 hours to incubate, so the drop in hecticity corresponds with Anh getting sick. At about 26 hours, as Anh's epic immune system started to kick in, it was observed that the hecticity levels in our cosmos began to increase.
By 48 hours, the hecticity levels of our cosmos had returned to normal levels.

Conclusing: After much analysis from mutiple angles, it was determined that the health of Anh was directly proportional with the hecticity of the world, the galaxy and the cosmos. Hence, it can be deduced that the world revolves around Anh.

Anyway, enough of that.

Today, I went to school. That's it.

-anh

The Second: Pullus Eximius

*sigh*

You know what I hate?

Bones in my food. >,>

You know, it's bad enough that I have to concentrate when I do homework (what homework? xD), but then my parents make me come out to eat, and I should be getting a break from having to exert effort, right? WRONG! Instead, I am forced to, yet again, exert work [which can be expressed in kJ] not only to put the food in my mouth, but to spit the bones out. =O As if wasting precious energy were bad enough, I have to put my most supreme brain to work, to pick out bone from flesh in my mouth. What kind of world is this, where I can't even relax during dinner?!

I'll tell ya! A twisted world!

Fear not however. One day, I'll breed some sort of pullus eximius, with solid gravy bones, that chemically react to form gravy when cooked! =D That way, it not only neutralises the hassel of having to spit bones out, but also the hassel of further flavouring the meat! =D
Isn't that an exciting prospect???

Hmm. You know what else would be mega-hectic? If I was immortal! =D

If you really know me, then you'd know that I love the rain. More than most things. I especially enjoy standing in the rain. IMAGINE THAT! I'd be able to stand in the rain as long as I want, without getting a cold! =D

Actually, if I was immortal, I'd be able to go to Africa, and be like, some godlike figure, not unlike that Kony guy! =D (except I wouldn't mass murder people, mutilate or otherwise, or be held accounted for 19 counts of rape >,>)

I'd get like, megacool coloured contacts, and like, they'd all try to shoot me, and I'd be like,

"Bleh."

and the bullets wouldn't do jack, and as I'd advance in on them, they'd be all like

"El shite!"

and bow down to my massive aura of hecticity.

I.e. I'd finally get a base in the middle of some bombass African jungle, and a bunch of Bleck ppl to bow down to me.

So, any ideas on how to make me, and me alone, immortal? =D

Oh wait, why ask you people? I almost forgot.

I'M the Unfailure Evident Majikal Strageging the Golden.

heh, sore ga suteki da ne?

-anh
Future Absolute Value of Kony
(taking into account that an absolute value, is the positive of any number)

The First: Response to Maria's blog

First of all, I'd just like to say some things before I start blogging.

Uhh, well, I'm anh. I think I convinced Maria to go write a blog, but I'll never know.

Anyways, I didn't particularly like blogspot, but then, I had this livejournal account, that was all bomb, so I was like ~might as well make a blogspot acc. [It makes it easier to comment on ppl's accounts]

Plus, LJs are for emos. >,>

Ahem, so anyway:

http://maria-duck.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-rather-odd-encounter-with-broken.html

So it seems that Maria has encountered some sort of enigma toilet. o___o

Apparently, despite the fact that it is a standard flush toilet, it had no cistern filled with water, and was instead, just a pole with a screw. o__O"

Where did the water come from??!!?!?!

& of course, with humanity's luck, Maria happened to be convinced by her lil sis not to take a photo. A most foolish mistake indeed. Furthermore, I doubt Maria even knows the location of this restaurant.

We must take this opportunity and obtain this toilet at once!

This toilet may be the answer to Australian droughts! It could be worth millions. o__O"

Consider:

In a tower, 100 ft above Uluru, the heart of Australia, sits the Enigma Toilet, connected to pipes that spread across the whole of Australia, channeling precious water to every corner of Australia.

Imagine that! The implications of this discovery is enormous!

The Enigma Toilet, sitting in the heart of Australia, with an infinite source of water, flowing everywhere, from the barren red desert to the rugged mountain ranges of N.S.W., feeding our magnificent nation with beautiful toilet water.

Based on this logic, the course of action that I deemed most appropriate was immediate activation and deployment of the Mountain Donuts to secure this National Treasure at once!

Mountain Donuts, ROLL OUT!!!

-anh,
Captain Spicy Wings of the Mountain Donuts Special Forces Unit